Challenging Internalised Ageism: Rewriting the Stories We Tell Ourselves About Growing Olde
Which side of the fence are you on?
I’ve been reflecting a lot on my internalised ageism - the stories we tell ourselves about how our age influences our abilities or the activities we choose to pursue.
These thoughts were sparked by an article on the Advantages of Age website by Nikki Kenward called “We can change how people see us by writing our own stories.” At 71, Nikki shows no signs of slowing down; she has recently taken on the challenge of becoming an aerial artist, alongside her professional work as an author, a therapist, an international healthcare educator, a theatre director.
In the article, Nikki shared how difficult it can be to silence those persistent inner voices that tell us we have no business taking on extreme physical challenges because of our age. “How much energy does it take to push back against all of this external noise and create a life that continues to expand and be relevant? A life in which we can keep exploring our potential and express who we truly are regardless of the multiple negative shoulds, ought tos, should nots and cannots of society.”
Then, last week, my best friend invited me to see a band called Wolf Alice at the O2. My connection to the band is a bit indirect—my son has been close friends with several of its members since college, and I’ve watched their journey from playing gigs in pubs and small venues to headlining at the O2 and being nominated for a second time for the Mercury Prize. I enjoy their music, but I found myself wondering if I’d feel out of place at the concert, given that I’m likely outside their target audience demographic. “I can’t go,” I said to my friend who wanted to treat me to the show. “I’ll feel weird being amongst all those kids going to watch them.”
When it comes to starting a business, I’ve also noticed how easy it is to fall into the belief that entrepreneurship is a young person’s game. Older entrepreneurs are rarely highlighted in the media or celebrated in the public sphere, which fuels this misconception. Instead, we hear of the ‘Tech Bro’s' like Mark Zuckenberg, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk. When we hear about women starting businesses, they are rarely above the age of 40. As an older entrepreneur, it’s easy to feel that you’re in a club of one, Anne Boden, Founder of Starling Bank, being the exception that proves the rule.
I’ve encountered countless participants in Startup School for Seniors who express concerns that they might be "past it." Many harbour the belief that they won’t be able to master tools like social media or even user-friendly platforms like Zoom. They often cite their perceived lack of technological skills as the primary reason they might fail, before they’ve even started. Yet, most modern software is designed to be intuitive and accessible, regardless of age or ability.
Others share with me stories of the naysayers, who are often family members. When a son or daughter says to their mum, “Aren’t you a bit OLD to start a business,” they cast doubt on their mother’s ability to take an idea they may have been holding onto for years, and turn it into a business.
Internalised ageism manifests in more subtle ways, too. For example, when someone asks, “Are you retired?” it carries the assumption that we stop working at a certain age. Similarly, when I hear, “Oh, it’s so great that you’re still working,” it feels as though my work is seen as a hobby for personal satisfaction rather than a meaningful effort to solve real problems.
As Nikki Kenward says, “Do not be seduced by the inviting whispers of society lulling you into a smaller version of yourself. It is a trap. The whole notion of life becoming comfortable is deeply flawed as seeking comfort is the very opposite of what anyone of any age needs for physical and mental health. Read this book to learn more: The Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter.”
The truth is, there’s no age limit on starting a business, taking on a physical challenge, or engaging in activities often associated with younger people. Our potential is shaped by what we allow ourselves to believe. If we give in to internalised ageism, we risk ageing more quickly than we might otherwise. But if we hold on to the idea that age is no barrier to achieving our goals, we can overcome those self-imposed limitations, and accomplish more than we ever thought possible.
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